CHAPTER XXIX
THEY was fetching a very nice-looking old gentleman
along, and a nice-looking younger one, with his
right arm in a sling. And, my souls, how the people
yelled and laughed, and kept it up. But I didn't see
no joke about it, and I judged it would strain the
duke and the king some to see any. I reckoned they'd
turn pale. But no, nary a pale did they turn. The
duke he never let on he suspicioned what was up, but
just went a goo-gooing around, happy and satisfied,
like a jug that's googling out buttermilk; and as
for the king, he just gazed and gazed down sorrowful
on them new-comers like it give him the stomach-ache
in his very heart to think there could be such
frauds and rascals in the world. Oh, he done it
admirable. Lots of the principal people gethered
around the king, to let him see they was on his
side. That old gentleman that had just come looked
all puzzled to death. Pretty soon he begun to speak,
and I see straight off he pronounced like an
Englishman -- not the king's way, though the king's
was pretty good for an imitation. I can't give the
old gent's words, nor I can't imitate him; but he
turned around to the crowd, and says, about like
this:
"This is a surprise to me which I wasn't looking
for; and I'll acknowledge, candid and frank, I ain't
very well fixed to meet it and answer it; for my
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brother and me has had misfortunes; he's broke his
arm, and our baggage got put off at a town above
here last night in the night by a mistake. I am
Peter Wilks' brother Harvey, and this is his brother
William, which can't hear nor speak -- and can't
even make signs to amount to much, now't he's only
got one hand to work them with. We are who we say we
are; and in a day or two, when I get the baggage, I
can prove it. But up till then I won't say nothing
more, but go to the hotel and wait."
So him and the new dummy started off; and the king
he laughs, and blethers out:
"Broke his arm -- very likely, ain't it? -- and very
convenient, too, for a fraud that's got to make
signs, and ain't learnt how. Lost their baggage!
That's mighty good! -- and mighty ingenious -- under
the circumstances!
So he laughed again; and so did everybody else,
except three or four, or maybe half a dozen. One of
these was that doctor; another one was a
sharp-looking gentleman, with a carpet-bag of the
old-fashioned kind made out of carpet-stuff, that
had just come off of the steamboat and was talking
to him in a low voice, and glancing towards the king
now and then and nodding their heads -- it was Levi
Bell, the lawyer that was gone up to Louisville; and
another one was a big rough husky that come along
and listened to all the old gentleman said, and was
listening to the king now. And when the king got
done this husky up and says:
"Say, looky here; if you are Harvey Wilks, when'd
you come to this town?"
"The day before the funeral, friend," says the king.
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"But what time o' day?"
"In the evenin' -- 'bout an hour er two before
sundown."
"How'd you come?"
"I come down on the Susan Powell from Cincinnati."
"Well, then, how'd you come to be up at the Pint in
the mornin' -- in a canoe?"
"I warn't up at the Pint in the mornin'."
"It's a lie."
Several of them jumped for him and begged him not to
talk that way to an old man and a preacher.
"Preacher be hanged, he's a fraud and a liar. He was
up at the Pint that mornin'. I live up there, don't
I? Well, I was up there, and he was up there. I see
him there. He come in a canoe, along with Tim
Collins and a boy."
The doctor he up and says:
"Would you know the boy again if you was to see him,
Hines?"
"I reckon I would, but I don't know. Why, yonder he
is, now. I know him perfectly easy."
It was me he pointed at. The doctor says:
"Neighbors, I don't know whether the new couple is
frauds or not; but if these two ain't frauds, I am
an idiot, that's all. I think it's our duty to see
that they don't get away from here till we've looked
into this thing. Come along, Hines; come along, the
rest of you. We'll take these fellows to the tavern
and affront them with t'other couple, and I reckon
we'll find out something before we get through."
It was nuts for the crowd, though maybe not for the
king's friends; so we all started. It was about
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sundown. The doctor he led me along by the hand, and
was plenty kind enough, but he never let go my hand.
We all got in a big room in the hotel, and lit up
some candles, and fetched in the new couple. First,
the doctor says:
"I don't wish to be too hard on these two men, but I
think they're frauds, and they may have complices
that we don't know nothing about. If they have,
won't the complices get away with that bag of gold
Peter Wilks left? It ain't unlikely. If these men
ain't frauds, they won't object to sending for that
money and letting us keep it till they prove they're
all right -- ain't that so?"
Everybody agreed to that. So I judged they had our
gang in a pretty tight place right at the outstart.
But the king he only looked sorrowful, and says:
"Gentlemen, I wish the money was there, for I ain't
got no disposition to throw anything in the way of a
fair, open, out-and-out investigation o' this
misable business; but, alas, the money ain't there;
you k'n send and see, if you want to."
"Where is it, then?"
"Well, when my niece give it to me to keep for her I
took and hid it inside o' the straw tick o' my bed,
not wishin' to bank it for the few days we'd be
here, and considerin' the bed a safe place, we not
bein' used to niggers, and suppos'n' 'em honest,
like servants in England. The niggers stole it the
very next mornin' after I had went down stairs; and
when I sold 'em I hadn't missed the money yit, so
they got clean away with it. My servant here k'n
tell you 'bout it, gentlemen."
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The doctor and several said "Shucks!" and I see
nobody didn't altogether believe him. One man asked
me if I see the niggers steal it. I said no, but I
see them sneaking out of the room and hustling away,
and I never thought nothing, only I reckoned they
was afraid they had waked up my master and was
trying to get away before he made trouble with them.
That was all they asked me. Then the doctor whirls
on me and says:
"Are you English, too?"
I says yes; and him and some others laughed, and
said, "Stuff!"
Well, then they sailed in on the general
investigation, and there we had it, up and down,
hour in, hour out, and nobody never said a word
about supper, nor ever seemed to think about it --
and so they kept it up, and kept it up; and it was
the worst mixed-up thing you ever see. They made the
king tell his yarn, and they made the old gentleman
tell his'n; and anybody but a lot of prejudiced
chuckleheads would a seen that the old gentleman was
spinning truth and t'other one lies. And by and by
they had me up to tell what I knowed. The king he
give me a left-handed look out of the corner of his
eye, and so I knowed enough to talk on the right
side. I begun to tell about Sheffield, and how we
lived there, and all about the English Wilkses, and
so on; but I didn't get pretty fur till the doctor
begun to laugh; and Levi Bell, the lawyer, says:
"Set down, my boy; I wouldn't strain myself if I was
you. I reckon you ain't used to lying, it don't seem
to come handy; what you want is practice. You do it
pretty awkward."
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I didn't care nothing for the compliment, but I was
glad to be let off, anyway.
The doctor he started to say something, and turns
and says:
"If you'd been in town at first, Levi Bell -- " The
king broke in and reached out his hand, and says:
"Why, is this my poor dead brother's old friend that
he's wrote so often about?"
The lawyer and him shook hands, and the lawyer
smiled and looked pleased, and they talked right
along awhile, and then got to one side and talked
low; and at last the lawyer speaks up and says:
"That 'll fix it. I'll take the order and send it,
along with your brother's, and then they'll know
it's all right."
So they got some paper and a pen, and the king he
set down and twisted his head to one side, and
chawed his tongue, and scrawled off something; and
then they give the pen to the duke -- and then for
the first time the duke looked sick. But he took the
pen and wrote. So then the lawyer turns to the new
old gentleman and says:
"You and your brother please write a line or two and
sign your names."
The old gentleman wrote, but nobody couldn't read
it. The lawyer looked powerful astonished, and says:
"Well, it beats me -- and snaked a lot of old
letters out of his pocket, and examined them, and
then examined the old man's writing, and then them
again; and then says: "These old letters is from
Harvey Wilks; and here's these two's handwritings,
and anybody can see they didn't write them" (the
king and
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the duke looked sold and foolish, I tell you, to see
how the lawyer had took them in), "and here's this
old gentleman's hand writing, and anybody can tell,
easy enough, he didn't write them -- fact is, the
scratches he makes ain't properly writing at all.
Now, here's some letters from -- "
The new old gentleman says:
"If you please, let me explain. Nobody can read my
hand but my brother there -- so he copies for me.
It's his hand you've got there, not mine."
"Well! " says the lawyer, "this is a state of
things. I've got some of William's letters, too; so
if you'll get him to write a line or so we can com
-- "
"He can't write with his left hand," says the old
gentleman. "If he could use his right hand, you
would see that he wrote his own letters and mine
too. Look at both, please -- they're by the same
hand."
The lawyer done it, and says:
"I believe it's so -- and if it ain't so, there's a
heap stronger resemblance than I'd noticed before,
anyway. Well, well, well! I thought we was right on
the track of a slution, but it's gone to grass,
partly. But anyway, one thing is proved -- these two
ain't either of 'em Wilkses" -- and he wagged his
head towards the king and the duke.
Well, what do you think? That muleheaded old fool
wouldn't give in then! Indeed he wouldn't. Said it
warn't no fair test. Said his brother William was
the cussedest joker in the world, and hadn't tried
to write -- he see William was going to play one of
his jokes the minute he put the pen to paper. And so
he warmed up and went warbling right along till he
was actuly beginning to believe what he was saying
him-
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self; but pretty soon the new gentleman broke in,
and says:
"I've thought of something. Is there anybody here
that helped to lay out my br -- helped to lay out
the late Peter Wilks for burying?"
"Yes," says somebody, "me and Ab Turner done it.
We're both here."
Then the old man turns towards the king, and says:
"Peraps this gentleman can tell me what was tattooed
on his breast?"
Blamed if the king didn't have to brace up mighty
quick, or he'd a squshed down like a bluff bank that
the river has cut under, it took him so sudden; and,
mind you, it was a thing that was calculated to make
most anybody sqush to get fetched such a solid one
as that without any notice, because how was he going
to know what was tattooed on the man? He whitened a
little; he couldn't help it; and it was mighty still
in there, and everybody bending a little forwards
and gazing at him. Says I to myself, Now he'll throw
up the sponge -- there ain't no more use. Well, did
he? A body can't hardly believe it, but he didn't. I
reckon he thought he'd keep the thing up till he
tired them people out, so they'd thin out, and him
and the duke could break loose and get away. Anyway,
he set there, and pretty soon he begun to smile, and
says:
"Mf! It's a very tough question, ain't it! Yes, sir,
I k'n tell you what's tattooed on his breast. It's
jest a small, thin, blue arrow -- that's what it is;
and if you don't look clost, you can't see it. Now
what do you say -- hey?"
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Well, I never see anything like that old blister for
clean out-and-out cheek.
The new old gentleman turns brisk towards Ab Turner
and his pard, and his eye lights up like he judged
he'd got the king this time, and says:
"There -- you've heard what he said! Was there any
such mark on Peter Wilks' breast?"
Both of them spoke up and says:
"We didn't see no such mark."
"Good!" says the old gentleman. "Now, what you did
see on his breast was a small dim P, and a B (which
is an initial he dropped when he was young), and a
W, with dashes between them, so: P -- B -- W" -- and
he marked them that way on a piece of paper. "Come,
ain't that what you saw?"
Both of them spoke up again, and says:
"No, we didn't. We never seen any marks at all."
Well, everybody was in a state of mind now, and they
sings out:
"The whole bilin' of 'm 's frauds! Le's duck 'em!
le's drown 'em! le's ride 'em on a rail!" and
everybody was whooping at once, and there was a
rattling powwow. But the lawyer he jumps on the
table and yells, and says:
"Gentlemen -- gentlemen! Hear me just a word -- just
a single word -- if you PLEASE! There's one way yet
-- let's go and dig up the corpse and look."
That took them.
"Hooray!" they all shouted, and was starting right
off; but the lawyer and the doctor sung out:
"Hold on, hold on! Collar all these four men and the
boy, and fetch them along, too!"
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"We'll do it!" they all shouted; "and if we don't
find them marks we'll lynch the whole gang!"
I was scared, now, I tell you. But there warn't no
getting away, you know. They gripped us all, and
marched us right along, straight for the graveyard,
which was a mile and a half down the river, and the
whole town at our heels, for we made noise enough,
and it was only nine in the evening.
As we went by our house I wished I hadn't sent Mary
Jane out of town; because now if I could tip her the
wink she'd light out and save me, and blow on our
dead-beats.
Well, we swarmed along down the river road, just
carrying on like wildcats; and to make it more scary
the sky was darking up, and the lightning beginning
to wink and flitter, and the wind to shiver amongst
the leaves. This was the most awful trouble and most
dangersome I ever was in; and I was kinder stunned;
everything was going so different from what I had
allowed for; stead of being fixed so I could take my
own time if I wanted to, and see all the fun, and
have Mary Jane at my back to save me and set me free
when the close-fit come, here was nothing in the
world betwixt me and sudden death but just them
tattoo-marks. If they didn't find them --
I couldn't bear to think about it; and yet, somehow,
I couldn't think about nothing else. It got darker
and darker, and it was a beautiful time to give the
crowd the slip; but that big husky had me by the
wrist -- Hines -- and a body might as well try to
give Goliar the slip. He dragged me right along, he
was so excited, and I had to run to keep up.
When they got there they swarmed into the grave-
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yard and washed over it like an overflow. And when
they got to the grave they found they had about a
hundred times as many shovels as they wanted, but
nobody hadn't thought to fetch a lantern. But they
sailed into digging anyway by the flicker of the
lightning, and sent a man to the nearest house, a
half a mile off, to borrow one.
So they dug and dug like everything; and it got
awful dark, and the rain started, and the wind
swished and swushed along, and the lightning come
brisker and brisker, and the thunder boomed; but
them people never took no notice of it, they was so
full of this business; and one minute you could see
everything and every face in that big crowd, and the
shovelfuls of dirt sailing up out of the grave, and
the next second the dark wiped it all out, and you
couldn't see nothing at all.
At last they got out the coffin and begun to unscrew
the lid, and then such another crowding and
shouldering and shoving as there was, to scrouge in
and get a sight, you never see; and in the dark,
that way, it was awful. Hines he hurt my wrist
dreadful pulling and tugging so, and I reckon he
clean forgot I was in the world, he was so excited
and panting.
All of a sudden the lightning let go a perfect
sluice of white glare, and somebody sings out:
"By the living jingo, here's the bag of gold on his
breast!"
Hines let out a whoop, like everybody else, and
dropped my wrist and give a big surge to bust his
way in and get a look, and the way I lit out and
shinned for the road in the dark there ain't nobody
can tell.
I had the road all to myself, and I fairly flew --
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leastways, I had it all to myself except the solid
dark, and the now-and-then glares, and the buzzing
of the rain, and the thrashing of the wind, and the
splitting of the thunder; and sure as you are born I
did clip it along!
When I struck the town I see there warn't nobody out
in the storm, so I never hunted for no back streets,
but humped it straight through the main one; and
when I begun to get towards our house I aimed my eye
and set it. No light there; the house all dark --
which made me feel sorry and disappointed, I didn't
know why. But at last, just as I was sailing by,
flash comes the light in Mary Jane's window! and my
heart swelled up sudden, like to bust; and the same
second the house and all was behind me in the dark,
and wasn't ever going to be before me no more in
this world. She was the best girl I ever see, and
had the most sand.
The minute I was far enough above the town to see I
could make the towhead, I begun to look sharp for a
boat to borrow, and the first time the lightning
showed me one that wasn't chained I snatched it and
shoved. It was a canoe, and warn't fastened with
nothing but a rope. The towhead was a rattling big
distance off, away out there in the middle of the
river, but I didn't lose no time; and when I struck
the raft at last I was so fagged I would a just laid
down to blow and gasp if I could afforded it. But I
didn't. As I sprung aboard I sung out:
"Out with you, Jim, and set her loose! Glory be to
goodness, we're shut of them!"
Jim lit out, and was a-coming for me with both arms
spread, he was so full of joy; but when I glimpsed
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him in the lightning my heart shot up in my mouth
and I went overboard backwards; for I forgot he was
old King Lear and a drownded A-rab all in one, and
it most scared the livers and lights out of me. But
Jim fished me out, and was going to hug me and bless
me, and so on, he was so glad I was back and we was
shut of the king and the duke, but I says:
"Not now; have it for breakfast, have it for
breakfast! Cut loose and let her slide!"
So in two seconds away we went a-sliding down the
river, and it did seem so good to be free again and
all by ourselves on the big river, and nobody to
bother us. I had to skip around a bit, and jump up
and crack my heels a few times -- I couldn't help
it; but about the third crack I noticed a sound that
I knowed mighty well, and held my breath and
listened and waited; and sure enough, when the next
flash busted out over the water, here they come! --
and just a-laying to their oars and making their
skiff hum! It was the king and the duke.
So I wilted right down on to the planks then, and
give up; and it was all I could do to keep from
crying.
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